When you wander through holidays brought on by presidents' birthdays and before you slam into the shortness of the month, you might also encounter Valentine's Day. This day causes trepidation in men, wondering what to get their woman and why the occasion is always made or broken by sentiments in the card. The day brings consternation in women, resentful that poetry and flowers have been replaced by e-mail cards and PDA now means something far removed from Public Display of Affection. And if there's no "other half" around and we're OK with that, we risk disdain – or worse, pity – from family and shopkeepers. I hate Valentine's Day. It feels like a setup for disappointment. But here's the thing: rather than Grinching through the month, I try to express my love every day. Running helps. It's indisputable: physical exercise produces delightful benefits, physically and mentally. Back in 1977, we kept Jim Fixx's The Complete Book of Running on the back of the toilet. It was the first manual on running that offered tips and guidelines, and was a best-seller. In the book, Fixx, himself a jogger, mentioned that one of the benefits of running is that it keeps us … frisky. Heck, if you want proof, look at Lars and Michelle Hertzog: In the time since they joined AREC, they've produced two children! That fact, of course, can only be attributed to running. =) More than twenty years later, in 1999, Claire Kowalchik came out with The Complete Book of Running for Women. Chapter 2, Running for the Mind, includes six sub-heads on how terrific a good bout of exercise is for the brain and psyche:
Running Helps You Feel Good About Yourself
Running Gives You Energy
Running Relieves Stress
Running Elevates Your Mood …
Running Enhances Your Mental Power and Stimulates Creativity
Running Brings Renewal
So now that our minds and bodies are in tiptop shape, what do we do, besides bask in our lovely muscular slenderness and mental alacrity?
I have one idea: Pay it forward. Make every day a day of love.
Loving is not just a female thing. Indeed, there are those who would say women are the practical ones, men the romantics.
I have a list of people to write. Some I know personally, some are famous for various reasons, some are corporations that produce products that impact my life. I try to write one letter each day. I don't always succeed, but at least I have the list. I tell them they matter to me, I tell them they are not operating in a vacuum.
When I go on a trip – even just to Vegas to get the horrid herbal tea that's giving me strength – I send Connor a postcard. And Marcelo. That's fun for them; I know that because I kept every letter my mom sent me at camp, starting in sixth grade … every note from my dad.
Marcelo sent me a postcard from New York last year. My entire insides gasped and glowed when I got it – one little missive!
Susan's postcard from her and Thompson's honeymoon took an extra month and a half to arrive (she had forgotten the postage). But I was transported to Fiji just from the picture on the front.
What if we all made a list and worked on one at a time – one a day, one a week …
It couldn't hurt.
If you think of someone, phone them, just to say hi. Send a card. If you can't write, the shop down the street from Limerick's, Toto's Revenge, has terrific cards. If the phone seems to weigh fifty thousand pounds and you abjectly refuse to step inside a Hallmark store, send an e-mail. "Hey, I'm thinking about you," could change the entire destination of someone's day.
Send love letters to those in your family. Because they will not live forever. Neither will you. Neither will I.
Talk. Buy presents for no apparent reason. Say "I love you" before you leave the house.
But there's a catch: Don't expect a response. Your recipient may be too stunned and/or humbled to answer. They may still be angry from the time you were supposed to show up at eleven a.m. on Christmas Day and were an hour late. Others have agendas. That's OK.
This muscle, however, is often flaccid – the one we use to express affection. This is a shame. I mean, the brain is a muscle, and we exercise it. The body is composed of muscle and bone, and we exercise it.
The energy, the life force in the center of our chest that allows us to connect with one another – this is not always in tiptop shape. May I suggest we exercise that, too?
We're just all stumbling through this life. But nothing is guaranteed: Not the love of a spouse, a boy/girlfriend, a confidante, an acquaintance, a co-worker. A parent. A child.
Love one another. Now. Happy Valentine's Day.